बिउटीफुल, स्लिम लड़की के लिए .......

रविवार को अख़बार की सारी खबरें पढ़ चुका था तभी नज़र मैट्रीमोनियल पर पड़ी :  

स्मार्ट, हैण्डसम, जाट लड़का, एम. बी. ए . हेतु बिउटीफुल, स्लिम प्रोफेशनल वधु चाहिए। टाल, हैण्डसम, बिजनेसमैन, कैनेडा सेटल्ड सिक्ख लड़का हेतु वेल क्वालीफाईड, अतिसुन्दर, गोरी लड़की चाहिए ।
मैथिल हैंडसम लड़का,बैंक पी. ओ.,पिता अधिकारी,हेतु सुशिक्षित बधू चाहिए। स्मार्ट ब्राह्मण लड़का,आईआईटी,हेतु सुंदर प्रोफे.,नन प्रोफे.वधू चाहिए। श्रीवास्तव,मंगला,एमबीए,पिता राजपत्रित अधिकारी,हेतु लड़की लंबी,गोरी,सुन्दर और सुशिक्षित चाहिए। स्मार्ट, बिहार सरकार में कार्यरत लड़का हेतु घरेलु लम्बी सुन्दर वधू चाहिए। बिउटीफुल, स्लिम, नवाज़ी शेख लड़की के लिए आईटी, सरकारी अफसर,वर चाहिए। अतिसुंदर भूमिहार लड़की बीटेक एमबीए हेतु बीटेक वर चाहिए। कुर्मी अतिसुंदर दुधिया गोरी कॉन्वेटेड ग्रेजुएट हेतु वेलसेटल्ड वर चाहिए।

लड़का और लड़की की खूबियों के बीच एक किस्म की प्रतियोगिता मची है। इन्हीं दावेदारियों की अभिव्यक्ति में समाज का चेहरा दिखने लगता है।


इन विज्ञापनों के लड़के हैंडसम और स्मार्ट हैं। तो लड़कियां गोरी,सुन्दर और अतिसुंदर दूधिया गोरी हैं। सुन्दर लड़की और अतिसुन्दर लड़की में फर्क नज़र आता है। बात लंबाई और रंग से आगे बढ़ चुकी है। लड़की अपनी खूबी बताने के साथ साथ पसंद भी बता रही है। जैसे अति सुंदर भूमिहार लड़की खुद भी बीटेक और एमबीए है और उसे लड़का भी इसे प्रोफेशन का चाहिए। साफ है इन विज्ञापनों से झलकता है कि मां बाप अपनी बेटी की पसंद को महत्व दे रहे हैं। जैसे एक विज्ञापन में कहा गया है कि अति सुन्दर राजपूत लड़की गोरी हेतु आईआटी या एमबीए वर चाहिए।

सांवले रंग की कोई कीमत नहीं है। अतिसुन्दर होने की शर्त है गोरी होना। इसलिए अतिसुन्दर लड़कियों के साथ गोरी है यह भी लिखा जाता है। कहीं कोई यह न समझ ले कि लड़की अतिसुन्दर तो है मगर सांवली तो नहीं। रंग को लेकर हमारी सोच साफ झलकती है। गोरी बधू लाने की होड़ मची है।

ऐसे में लड़के खुद को हैंडसम और स्मार्ट कह कर दूसरे लड़कों से अलग कर रहे हैं। क्योंकि कुर्मी एमबीए लड़की अतिसुन्दर और गोरी है। उसे स्मार्ट वर चाहिए। अब लगता है कि शादियां उन्हीं के बीच हो रही हैं जो नौकरी के बाद अतिसुन्दर और स्मार्ट होने की कसौटी पर खरे उतरते हैं। अतिसुन्दर होने की दावेदारी और पाने की ख्वाहिश हर जाति तबके में हैं। बढ़ई अतिसुन्दर बिहार में कार्यरत हेतु वर चाहिए। अतिसुन्दर फूलमाली लड़की हेतु एमबीए वर चाहिए।


लड़कों के विज्ञापन में एकलौता पर भी ज़ोर है। इकलौते बेटे का बाप अलग तेवर में होता है। सारी संपत्ति एक ही आदमी को ट्रांसफर होगी इसलिए उसका भाव ज़्यादा होता है। अब इन विज्ञापनों में ज़्यादातर युवक स्मार्ट हैं। लेकिन बात आगे बढ़ चुकी है। सिन्हा,अमेरिका में कार्यरत स्मार्ट,स्लीम युवक हेतु सुंदर,गोरी,शिक्षित,स्लीम वधू चाहिए। यानी अतिंसुन्दर,हैंडसम के साथ अब स्लीम होना भी नई शर्त है।

इन विज्ञापनों में नए नए शब्द जगह बना रहे हैं। वेलसेटल्ड,एजुकेटेड,प्रोफेशन का संक्षिप्त रूप प्रोफे,नन प्रोफे,कान्यकुब्ज की जगह का.कु और इंजीनियर की जगह इंजी.आदि का इस्तमाल हो रहा है। लड़के या लड़की के बाप के पास अपना मकान है, इसका भी ज़िक्र है। कमाई के अंक भी बताये जा रहे हैं। जैसे- चमार लड़का,एमए,अपना व्यवसाय,आय ५ अंकों में पिता अधिकारी रिर्टा.(रिटायर्ड का संक्षिप्त रूप)हेतु घरेलु सुन्दर लड़की चाहिए। स्थान का भी ज़िक्र है। स्वर्णकार अयोध्यावासी वर के लिए ग्रेजुएट गोरी स्लिम एवं ऊंचाई ५ फीट ५ ईंच स्वजातीय वधु चाहिए।

विज्ञापनों के व्याकरण बदल रहे हैं। हिंदी पत्रकारिता के लिंग विशेशज्ञों ने द्वारा और तथा को खत्म करने के अध्यादेश कब से जारी किये हुए हैं। लेकिन इन विज्ञापनों में हेतु मौजूद है। हेतू और हेतु दोनों रूपों में। एक गलत है और एक सही। लेकिन अर्थ एक है। वधू और वधु दोनों तरह से लिखा जाता है।

जाति बंधन से मुक्त और दहेज रहित विवाह के प्रार्थी भी नज़र आते हैं। बहुत लोग उप जातियों के बंधनों को भी तोड़ रहे हैं। सभी जैन अग्रवाल मान्य तो कभी सुन्नी लड़के के विज्ञापन में लिखा होता है कि सभी मुस्लिम मान्य। दहेज नहीं और डिमांड नहीं जैसी अभिव्यक्तियां नज़र आती हैं। सुशील और संस्कारी जैसे शब्द हैं लेकिन कम हैं।

पूरे विज्ञापनों को देखिये तो सांवले,काले,कम सुंदर,चश्मेवालों,मोटे,छोटे आदि के लिए कोई जगह नहीं है। शादी के मामले में हम रंगभेदी हैं। समझ नहीं आता कि अतिसुन्दर वाली लड़की के नीचे जो एक और कायस्थ लड़की का विज्ञापन है लेकिन उसे गोरी और अतिसुन्दर नहीं लिखा है। तो क्या कोई उस परिवार से संपर्क नहीं करेगा।

इन सारे विज्ञापनों को देने वालों में अधिकतर ऐसे हैं जिन्हें आप अक्सर रंगभेद की नीतियों के खिलाफ बोलते हुए देख सकते हैं । सवाल शादी के विज्ञापन का नहीं है, सवाल है उस सामाजिक बुराई का जो हमारे बीच पल रहा है और जिसे पालने वाले हमीं हैं । रंगभेद की नीति और उसे दूर करने के लिए नेल्सन मंडेला और उनके जैसे अन्य लोगों के योगदान को पढ़ भर लेने से ये बुराई नहीं दूर होगी । ये दूर होगी जब लड़कों को दहेज़ लाने वाली मशीन और लड़कियों को एक डेकोरेटेड बिकाऊ सामान मानना बंद होगा । 

My UPSC Interview.....

In India, Civil Services are considered one of the noblest jobs (why? …haven’t found the answer yet) perhaps, it may be one of the powerful posts, one can move in red-beacons, there are salutes everywhere you go, you are considered as one of the profound personalities in your society, and many more…..however, I have also been the victim of the same (as my parents as well as relatives always pressurised to pursue the services) and it’s always been a mystery for me that why they think that I deserve for the services (as I have found myself totally unorganized so-far) ……since the announcement of the mains (written) result, I realized that yes! Miracles do happen, I did my hair-cut, clean-shaved, started wearing trousers, full-sleeve shirts and formal shoes (instead of Gamachhas and Chappals) …. And in-between all these I was lamenting for no reason …I was missing my-self somewhere ….is this necessary to transform my natural instinct for the sake of a job? …is this necessary to be artificial in order to be a successful person? … A quiz started with my-self including such questionnaires.

However, the day arrived when I had to depart from Chandigarh to Delhi for my Personality Test which was scheduled in the UPSC, I was accompanied by my uncle-cum- friend (a day before my interview) and throughout the journey I was thinking about my life, about my existence, what all this is going on?...I am only a step away to realize the dream of my father, will I make it or not?.... is this what I am made for? ….am I going to be a perfect citizen? …..will all my evils be washed away with the grab of this job? …will all my sorrows be diminished if I am getting selected? …….this was the second round of quiz with my-self.

I woke up 4 in the morning (the day of my Personality Test), there was an unprecedented silence all-around and I could hear the sound of my breathe clearly, amid this silence, suddenly I felt being lonely on this planet, I was scared for-a-while and then I conglomerated all my conscience and focussed on-to my target (the artificial target), I went for a walk but could not go far as I saw a stray dog in the way and feared over the culture of Delhi. I returned to my room (where I stayed) and got my-self ready for the interview.

I had to report UPSC by 9 in the morning and I reached over there half an hour earlier, I found that other mates were already there in front of the UPSC main-gate. I glanced over them and started comparing their personalities with mine (it was really deteriorating in-fact as they were far more good-looking and smarter), will they overcome my personality? …..will they be selected and I will be rejected? ….that guy in purple shirt is looking very smart (why have I not opted for a purple shirt?) ….that girl in blue Salwar-Suit is looking very decent (she will definitely out-perform) ….look at that person in heavy-spectacles (he is looking very bibliophilic) will he answer all the questions? ……look at me (I am the worst out of them) why have I come here since there is no chance of my selection amid them? ……….this was the third round of quiz with my-self.

By the 9 am in the clock, the gate was opened and I marked my first step into the most aspired building of our country, I was thrilled with an auspicious feeling, I was finally there to where my father had dreamt of to see me. But this is not the only what he meant for, there is still a step to go (a big step in-fact), I have to do something right now, right here and there is no other option but to clear this ultimate level in my favour  …o.k. let’s see how it happens!

I was assigned the board of Shri. I.M.G. Khan and I was the last one among the six candidates (Nagma, Meenakshi, Dheeraj, Shupriya, Gautami and me) to be interviewed in that board.

Dheeraj was the first candidate called for the test and it was 9:40 am when he entered the board.

I was there with five girls in the lobby and started waiting if any of them start talking to me and it took almost 15 minutes that Shupriya broke the silence and soon we all were involved in the conversation with each other.

Dheeraj came out of the board at 10:05 am, he was looking confident but little nervous. When we asked about his interview he smiled and said it was good and then moved out of the lobby.

Next was Meenakshi, we all gave her good-luck, she thanked us, prayed for-a-while (she was murmuring some mantras while praying) and then marched into the board-room (it was 10:15 am then). I pondered that whether the mantras (which Meenakshi just murmured) will really work in her favour, then I realized that I am wasting my time in such silly thoughts as it’s a matter of personal beliefs and it’s not necessary that everybody should be agnostic as I am.

Time passed ……after Meenakshi it was Gautami, then Shupriya, then Nagma and then my turn. By the time Nagma went, it was 11:50 am. Now, I was alone in the lobby and felt little nervous. The guards by then, one male and the other a lady had become acquaintances. We had even shared a joke or two and laughed as if everything was normal. They wished me luck and smiled. The guy who came to call me for the interview too by then had seen enough of me to share a smile; he too wished me good-luck. He had big glasses and was a nice man to talk to. I thanked him and asked him what time it was. He replied “Barah baj gae hain”. I told him that then I had to greet the board with good afternoon. He nodded in the affirmative and with a smile said “aap chinta mat kijie, khan sahib achhe se interview lete hain” (I wondered how he reached the inference which he drew from my face..but it did help me) We reached the board room and he asked me to sit on a chair outside it. I realized Nagma was still inside and I asked how long had the previous candidate (Nagma) been in? He said it had been 15 minutes. Tea was being prepared for Mr. Khan while I sat on the chair. The guy who was preparing tea offered me some kajus and biscuits. I picked one and said Thank You.

I focussed my attention and thoughts for a few minutes, asked myself why I was here and felt fortunate for the opportunity.

In a few minutes Nagma came out of the board room. I mimed to ask about how was it. She smiled and nodded positively as she walked away.

The time had arrived and I asked the big glasses guy who had escorted me there about the time. He showed me his watch which read 12:15 pm. The chimes of the bell rang….it was my turn. He opened one of the two planks of the door and I stepped forward….

(A note: the demeanour of the conversation was very cordial and conversational and I most of the while smiling as if talking to friends)

Me: may I come in Sir (while I noticed that there were five members including a lady and Mr. Khan himself in the board)

Mr.Khan: Come in, come in.

Me: Good afternoon sir, good afternoon mam and sirs.

Mr. Khan: take a seat.

Me: Thank you sir.

Mr. Khan: (he was turning over my summary sheet at that time and had reached the academic section) Oh! You are a master in Chemistry (and started reading the title of stream) Applied Chemistry Pharmaceutical. So what does applied means here?

Me: Sir applied chemistry means using the scientific knowledge of Chemistry in solving human problems.

Mr.Khan: can you cite some examples?

Me: yes Sir! Apllied Chemistry has been used in developing new and effective medicines.

Mr.Khan: ok. Ok. Can you also cite any segment from Chemistry which is related with the service you have opted for?

Me: Sir, May I take some time to recollect that?

Mr.Khan: Sure!

Me: (after-a-while I came to a point) Sir, Aufbau Principle can be used in the civil Services as it corresponds the distribution of benefits in an orderly-fashion, from lower to higher hierarchy.

Mr.Khan: what does this principle say in terms of Chemistry?

Me: Sir, it says that electrons fill orbitals starting at the lowest available energy levels before filling higher levels.

Mr.Khan: so! Why you haven’t worked yet, it’s been more than 2 years of your masters and you could have got a decent job in a pharmaceutical firm.

Me: (I knew they will ask this for sure) Sir, I did my masters in Chemistry because at that time I was fascinated with it but later on I inspired by the Civil Services, hence , I decided to pursue the same.

Mr.Khan: what so fascinating about Civil Services and not about Chemistry?

Me: Sir, In chemistry I could only credit for the development of a better drug or a novel compound for a disease but in Civil Services I can work to annihilate the disease of the society.

Mr.Khan: (smiled in a sarcastic way) but some countries do not have a civil service, like USA (a member intervened that a few services exist in USA but not exactly the civil services), shouldn’t India also abolish the civil services?

Me: Sir, I do not have any clear explanation on it and if you allow then I can try to formulate my own opinion.

Mr.Khan: ok. Go ahead.

Me: Sir, our country is not as evolved as the USA and we are still developing so we need a system like civil services to have poised governance and to move forward becoming a developed one …

Mr.Khan: Why is it so? I mean why USA is so rich and India is so poor?

Me: Sir, the rich prosperity behind the USA is because of its currency i.e. dollar which is being used as a standard currency in the international trades, hence,  the countries like ours park a fraction of their money in the USA-Federal Banks in the form of bonds, so USA enjoys the interests incurred from these parked moneys besides its own growth.

Mr.khan: isn’t it that USA people spend more and we believe in savings?

Me: yes sir, this is also one of the reasons behind this.

Mr.Khan: (gave a lengthy lecture over the supremacy of USA then looked at member 1 for asking questions.)

M1: What is budget?

Me: sir it’s the gross monetary management which includes the total fiscal receipts and total expenditures as the two main figures.

M1: Why railway budget separated from general budget?

Me: Sir, Railway is not a PSU rather a departmental undertaking, hence a separate budget is necessary to utilize its revenues for its own projects.

M1: (nodded positively) so, on whose recommendations it was separated from general budget?

Me: I am sorry sir but I can’t tell.

M1: it’s alright, can you tell me the year in which it was separated from the general budget?

Me: Sir, again I am sorry for not being aware of this.

M1: (smiled sarcastically) it was 1921. (Then he looked at the lady member to ask questions)

Lady member: you have mentioned Public Administration as one of your optional, (a member intervened saying Mam, “it’s been a general choice by most of the aspirants”, then both smiled), and so, who was Woodrow Wilson?

Me: He was the 28^th president of USA and is also considered as the profounder of the Public Administration.

Lady member: in which year he became president?

Me: I am sorry mam, I don’t know.

Lady Member:  Who was Max Waber?

Me: He was one of the influential scholars of sociology and public administration of 19th century.

Lady member: Can you name any book written by Max Waber?

Me: Yes mam, it was “The spirit of capitalism”.

Lady member: Isn’t it “The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism”?

Me: Yes, yes mam …I am sorry, I missed that.

Lady member: have you read this book?

Me: No mam, I could not get the access of this book.

(Mr Khan intervened “Dhoondhne se to khuda bhi mil jata hai Shukla Ji) everybody smiled.

Lady member: this book can be accessed in any University Library (she then turned to member 2 to ask questions)

Member 2: why Public administration is a hot choice among the civil aspirants?

Me: Sir, Public Administration has relevant elements required for the job and there may also be a reason that it envisages the word “administration” in its title explicitly which attracts a large mass of aspirants to go for it.

Member2: I think you are also a victim of the second reason (everybody laughed then) Isn’t it?

Me: No sir, I choose this because of the first reason.

Member2: ok, ok. You are sticking to your point ….it’s good…so, what is epistemology?

Me: Sir, I don’t know exactly but it’s something related with the knowledge and the ways to acquire it.

Member2: you were going right (then he gave a lengthy explanation over it) … What is methodological antipositivism?

Me: Sir, I don’t have any idea about this term.

Member2: ok. Can you elaborate the Gettier problem?

Me: I am sorry sir, but I don’t have any idea about this also.

Member2: (smiled sarcastically) it’s ok. Gentleman …then he turned to member 3 to ask questions.

Member3: do you agree that executives are merely puppets in the hands of the legislatives?

Me: No Sir.

Member3: Explain

Me: Sir, civil service is an autonomous body as provided in our constitution (memeber1 murmured to Mr khan he is defining the services) …I am sorry sir, but I was just explaining my opinion.

Member1: ok. Ok. Continue..

Me: Since we have got the immunity so we should not ……. (Lady Member intervened: stop. Stop.  You are using “we” as if you are already a civil servant …..Everybody laughed) ….

Me: I am sorry mam, for the mistake …

Lady member: Oh come on! I was just having a light note …..Don’t feel sorry too often ….now continue..

Me: I do accept that we can’t deny the intervention of legislature in the bureaucracy but we do have the best provisions for our functionaries and the only thing required is their proper utilization in their best possible ways.

Member3: (nodded in an affirmative manner)…. You come from Chandigarh, so, what is so special about Chandigarh amid other states and UTs?

Me: Sir, it’s a dual capital of two states Haryana and Punjab.

Member3: Good! So, you must also be aware of the fact that both the states are after the inclusion of Chandigarh in their respective territories.

Me: yes sir

Member3: what’s your take over the issue?...where should Chandigarh be included? In Punjab or in Haryana?

Me: Sir, Chandigarh should remain UT and both the states should search for some other options in their own territories.

Mr.Khan: is that so easy? (then he smiled)….well you are a young-man and you might have your own views over the social issues, there have been a long discourse in our society about the Love marriage and arranged marriage….what is your choice?

Me: Sir, to remain unmarried is the safest option (Mr. khan laughed quite loudly and other board-members too and it really made the entire environment quite light), However, I will prefer arranged marriage, Sir!

Mr.Khan: why?...what’s the harm in a love marriage?

Me: Sir, there is no harm and if both the parties are agree then it’s ok.

Mr,Khan: thank you (smiled) your interview is over…you may go.

Me: Thank you sir, thank you mam, thank you sirs…..

(This was the last round of quiz and this time not with my-self but with the Board)

WHY WE LOVE BOOKS!

One day a school teacher asked a present day student “tell me the name of your favorite book” and the student replied “Facebook”. Everyone present there laughed on loud (lol), I am not clear whether they laughed on the way the student replied or on the boring concept of books.

I am not going to put-forth the history of books as it can be easily accessed with the help of “Guru-Google” and even a fifth class student can enlist the contemporary importance of books like: “books are our best friends”, “they help us to enhance our vocabulary”, “books help us learn about other cultures and ways of life”, “if you can read you can learn anything”, etc. etc.

The demise of the books has long been predicted. Television was forecast to rip us forcefully away from the novel and computers was forecast to divert us from the encyclopedias and then comes the social media which is supposed to take us away from the diaries but somehow the written word survived – thanks to the cost and sluggish speed of internet and the harmful rays coming out from the television and the computer sets.

After having so many gadgets and apps we are still paralyzed without that small, flat, rigid squares of paper i.e. books, and the reasons are as different as the diversity in nature. It is quite enigmatic to learn that while some of us do not even take the pain to look at those books decorated in the shelf for years, others consider books to be the most important thing on earth. Now the question arises “why do we have different levels of affection for books?” A simple answer again favors the concept of diversity in nature. However, one satisfactory outcome of this discourse is that everyone is somewhat related with the charisma of a book and that is the reason behind its survival in this hi-tech scenario.

To me a book is not only a non-living object but a body which contains the emotions of the writer having soul in the form of texts. A writer becomes so emotionally attached with his book that it can be explained with the following excerpt from a famous writer – “My sole literary ambition is to write one good novel, then retire to my hut in the desert, assume the lotus position, compose my mind and senses, and sink into meditation, contemplating my novel.”

 It takes both time and blood to write a book and it is not that much easy as sometimes percepts us. On a humorous note it has been said “the waste-basket is a writer’s best friend” and it reflects how much work is done before concluding a statement to be the part of a book.

You see! One more thing has been discovered from the above excerpt that “a writer can be a good reader and vice-verse”. Should I scream with “Eureka”? Nope! I know that you already knew that but it was a way to point this everlasting concept of a good reader/writer and if you still don’t like any book then I do have one more proverb for you “if there is a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it”.

Now, come to the main concept why we love books! And it can be explained with the philosophy of love that why we love anything? Some of the common answers to this poser may be as: we love something when we start attaching that thing with our personal lives; we love something when we feel relaxed and composed in its presence, we love something when we get the unexpected from it, we love something when that thing gives us so many things and in lieu demands nothing, we love something when it wipes our loneliness, we love something when it accompanies us when everybody denies our company, and so on…..

There are many more reasons to have love with the books: how time passes when we are reading together. How books calm us all down, and let us take a break from our active, fast-paced life. Reading is full of adventure. Anything is possible when you read a good book. You can fight the British with Laxmi Bai, sail the Atlantic Ocean with Christopher Columbus, and accompany Mahatma Gandhi on the Salt-March. Books transport us from Here to There …the place we have never been, or the place that only exists when you open a book.

IMPACT OF BRITISH RULE IN INDIA

Impact of British rule upon India and Indians both constitute superior and appealing elements that still in use in present times.

Indian soldiers had joined the East India Company army solely for the reason that they received salary on the first day of every month, very much unlike the Indian emperors and their system of reign.

The very foremost impact of British rule on India was the religious impact, as was established by the missionaries and their establishment of churches in every possible corner of the country. In this regard, the port cities like Kolkata, Mumbai and Chennai gained enough importance, due to their accessibility for navigational purposes.

From every field of living, be it in education, art, architecture, painting, literature, poetry, drama, novels or even Indian religion and philosophy, the whole Indian set-up had suffered a gradual change.

Their significant passionate pastimes, during late 19^th and early 20^th centuries, appeared to be hunting animals and birds in Indian jungles. As such the population of tigers, lions and elephants slumped down because of indiscriminate hunting.

Amidst all these alarming states and conditions, the imperial rule was compassionate enough to introduce European education in India. This ground-breaking impact of British rule in India truly has benefited India in the long run, carving out a position of India in the world map.

The British had introduced the system of Railways (from Mumbai to Thane at first) in a chain method, with whole of the country staying witness to placing of railway track, railway platforms and railway carriages. Indeed India’s railways, postal services, legal and judicial systems and other government-based services have all been derived primarily from the British administration.

Even though the impact of British rule upon India has mostly been adverse and affected the country negatively, there was still a feeble attempt to maintain equilibrium in Indian society and the country as a whole. 

कुछ आवारा ख्याल .....

 अक्सर ये सोचता हूँ कि लोग लिखते क्यूँ हैं,  यूँ ही बेवजह या फिर किसी वजह से, कुछ लोग लिखते हैं और बहुत लोग उसे पढ़ते हैं या यूँ कहें बहुत लोग लिखते हैं और कुछ ही उसे पढ़ते हैं, कभी-कभी मुझे लगता है लिखना एक बीमारी है, एक फोड़े की तरह। या फिर एक घाव जो मवाद से भरा हुआ है । जिसका शरीर में  रहना उतना ही खतरनाक है, जितना दर्द उसको फोड़ कर बहा देने में हो सकता है । कभी अगर डायरी में लिखने का मन करता है तो घंटों डायरी के उस खाली पन्ने को निहारता रहता हूँ । फिर मन मार कर कुछ लिखने बैठता हूँ ।

यकीन मानिये तो लिखने की ऐसी कोई महत्वाकांछा नहीं, बस उस पन्ने की पैरलल खिंची लाइनों के बीच अपने मुड़े-तुड़े आवारा ख्यालों का ब्रिज बनाते चलता हूँ । खुद से लड़ता-झगड़ता हुआ हर एक शब्द उन पन्नों पर उतरता जाता है ।  जब दूसरे उन पन्नों को पढ़ते हैं तो उनकी नज़र में, लिखना कुछ शब्दो की खिचड़ी जैसा मालूम होता है, असल में वो एक एहसास की तरह होते हैं । दरअसल, कभी दर्द के कुछ शब्द इन कागजों में उतर जाते हैं । कागज़ बेजान होते हैं लेकिन वो दर्द बेजान नहीं होता ।

उस कागज़ पर मेरी बेबसी छप आई है, एक कायरता, खुद से भागते रहने की पूरी कहानी । जब पाता हूँ अपने आप को उन इंसानों के बीच जो मर्दानगी का मैडल लगाए घूमते  हैं भेड़ियों की तरह, खुद को आग में झोंकने का दिल करता है । ऐसे में कभी गुस्सा भी बहुत आता है । दिल करता है सिगरेट एक बार में ही पी जाऊं, चेन स्मोकर टाईप ।

हर कश के धुंए के साथ अपने गुस्से को भाप बना कर उड़ा दूं । बाहर से ना सही तो कम-से-कम अन्दर से धुआं-धुआं कर दूं अपने शरीर को । कागज़ के पन्ने पर फैले अपने गुस्से के ढेर को चिंदी चिंदी कर हवा में उड़ा  देता हूँ । हवा में उड़ते वो टुकड़े भी जैसे मेरे चेहरे पर ही थू -थू  कर रहे हैं । मैं रुमाल निकाल कर अपना चेहरा पोंछ  लेना  चाहता हूँ, लेकिन वो तो चेहरे से होते हुए मेरे वजूद पर उतर गया है ।

पलट कर घड़ी को  देखता हूँ, रात काफी हो चुकी है । मैं फिर से बीमार-बीमार सा फील कर रहा हूँ । मन के भीतर सौ किलोमीटर की रफ़्तार से चलती हुई अंधड़ में तना - दर - तना उखड़ता जाता हूँ । कमबख्त नींद भी नहीं आती, करवटें पीठ में चुभने लगती हैं । बेबसी से कांपते हुई अपनी आवाज़ को द्रढ़ता की शाल में लपेटकर खूब जोर से चिल्लाने का मन करता है ।

खिड़की से बाहर शहर चमक रहा है, लेकिन अन्दर निपट अँधेरा है । आस - पास माचिस भी नहीं जो आग लगा सकूँ इन कागज़ के पन्नों को ।